The Longing to Return by Kristin Kehler

Message:

This drawing comes from an old place in you, and is about your longing to be reunified with the divine. You know the original state of being in the sea. You came into the world knowing this but became lost as a child. Here you are a girl of maybe about four or five, just looking, waiting. Alone.

What does she want? She wants to be in the ocean. She knows the ocean, but believes that she cannot go there any more. She sits on the sill between the two worlds, sitting in her state of knowing and aching. Nothing else exists. Nothing but the sea and her looking at the sea. There is a curtain between the worlds but it does not really obscure the longing for the sea.

As a child you developed a rich inner life to compensate for being separated from the sea. Here you are daydreaming, maybe going to that inner world which isn’t the real ocean but your attempt to move toward there and away from the isolation of the outer world. This drawing shows the bleakness of the house, the contrast between dark inside and the light outside that draws the child. But she sits on the sill, on the fence. She thinks all she can do is look and to long. Your journey in life has been to move off this sill, to know that it is possible to return to the sea.

About the messages

Many years ago, as part of an exercise from the Pathwork lectures, I began asking for advice from my “divine self”. I could hear an internal voice, and wrote down word for word what it was saying. Sometimes the voice told me things I already knew, as if reminding me; other times I was surprised by what I wrote down. Often I read a passage back the next day and didn’t remember having written it at all.

The messages are gifts, like presents wrapped in bright colors that I have always loved. As a child I dreamed of mounds of presents, too many to open before I woke up. Now I can have one any time I want. All I have to do is ask. I say: Is there anything you want to tell me? And they always have something loving to say to me, because they are always there even if I forget them. Sometimes the voice says “I” and sometimes it says “we”. They are always deeply loving and compassionate; yet they can be very firm about what is needed.

When I started writing these messages down, I wasn’t sure what a “divine self” meant. I often found myself caught in an internal debate about whether the voice was a higher/wiser part of me, or whether it came from some other realm or beings. Self doubts could get in here, and did. For the first eight years I did not tell anyone that I was writing down messages. I didn’t want people to either think I was self-deluded or that I had a special link to some spirit world. The writing came up in a therapy session; Marc insisted that I send them out to the Noe group. It was hard for me to do. I wanted to stay in hiding.

I am less concerned now with where the messages originate. What I do know is that they tell truth, and the truth is what I want. I used to hide all the time. Now I want to share my true self with you.