April 2009 - My life is changing and my inner life is growing more firmly in Him. My dreams are giving me the opportunity to see my reactions. I am the boy but in my dreams I still react with anger or fear or shame. In my homework and my life I can stop my reaction.
Dream: I lay with the Anima and the Animus enters. In the dream I feel fear and yell in anger at the Animus. Then I get out of bed and feel shame and leave.
When I work the dream, staying in the place with the Anima and the Animus and not reacting, I know they are there welcoming me into their bed. He is there for me, she is there for me. I carry this knowing into my waking life. I don’t react to what has felt like an attack, I do my homework and I know I am with them again and that what is happening needs to happen for me to grow. I feel their support.
Dream: Floating under the water. It is pitch black and still. I have thoughts about getting to the surface and of being vulnerable to sharks but I stay and breath the water. I am peaceful, I feel held, I feel His love in this place.
I know I don’t need to do anything my life belongs to Him.
Dream: I enter a demolished building. I find a baby. At first I think the baby is dead because it is stiff but I hold it up to my face and feel its breath. I hand it out a window to the Animus. I give my rigid little life to Him.
I feel the miracle of surrendering to Him. My life has changed and continues to change dramatically. I am no longer the arrogant spiritual idealist I once was. I am humbled by the divine working in my life and seek to be in relationship to Him through my inner work. Pathotrickster is less able to sustain his hold on me and I confess his attempts to divert me and others from being obedient to the truth. I am no longer angry at the world or judgmental of those who don’t fit my beliefs. I have found a new freedom within the vessel of my faith. I can go places I never would have dreamed.
My marriage is stronger, my parenting firm yet loving, my livelihood changing to be more aliened with Him and his abundance.
My inner work is to stay in bed with the divine, to float in divine love. I lift the baby out of the wreckage of my old life and give it to Him. My life is His, I live anew. Each day a confession of my transgressions, every minute realignment with His will and with each breath resting in Him.
My false faces of pride, anger, hatred, greed, lust, fear and shame are seen in the mirror of the night, illuminated by the light of my heart. I receive his loving kindness as He takes these false faces from me. I see His face and I hand Him my little baby to raise.