Dream:
My female friend is accused of murder. She isn’t saying anything. She’s so calm with all these people around her, accusing her, yelling at her, in her face. She just continues walking on completely ignoring them. I know she is falsely accused. I know she hasn’t done anything.
I know this place in me. This place of being sure of myself in spite of what is going on around me. This place of knowing how sure I am about myself. This place of being centered in me. This place of knowing myself. I know this dream is teaching me, showing me something I once knew. Showing me how to reclaim myself. She is showing me/teaching me how to stand in myself, to know who I am. This place I once knew. She’s showing me what it looks and feels like.
This dream is why I do the dreamwork because I always want to know and be in that place in me. And when I’m in that place, I am not alone. He is there too, standing right beside me. Sometime I’m holding His hand. Sometimes I’m leaning on Him. Sometimes I staring into His eyes. Sometimes, I’m shoulder to shoulder with Him. Sometimes He is standing a step behind me. He’s here. I’m standing with Him. That’s how I am sure of who I am in that moment. He is showing me who I am. I have him to define who I am. I listen to Him and let Him show me and teach me.
I wish I could tell you I’m in this place of knowing and with Him most of the time but I am not. But what I am able to do now is say “yes” to Him and my soul self while the pathology is screaming “no”. This is different. The pathology can’t contain my excitement and enthusiasm anymore. That place in me I know?…. wants to be totally connected to Him.
My struggle is fighting the resistance I feel and projecting that resistance outward. And, when I do resist and say “yes” through the “no”, then pathology wants to take the gain away. You see, the pathology is successful in the world. I have a good job. I work in a profession that I enjoy. I get rewarded in the world. Friends have even said they envy me to which I express amazement because what I feel is this unending drive to have to prove myself.
I have to prove that I’m worthy of existence. I have to prove that the space I’m taking up isn’t wasted. I have to prove my worth, my value in the world. It’s not enough to just be. That’s what pathology has had me believing for most of my life, believing that I wasn’t good enough.
Dream:
I’m in a room with lots of people. The only person who would touch me is the man who would kill me. I didn’t want anyone else to touch me.
I didn’t want anyone else to touch me. In the dream people come close but turn so they don’t brush up against me. I don’t want to have any physical contact with them because I am waiting for The Man to come and touch me so I will die. This is my desire to die to my soul self. As this dream works on me, I become more and more separated from the group so the Man can easily find me. I’m looking for Him. I’m waiting with great anticipation for his arrival. I welcome his touch.
I struggle with resistance daily. When I’m successful and drop into feeling, I know that place in me and He is there.