I am being found out . Now being seen in my mousy Jane place as he has for a long time where I hide from everyone and everything that may mean I need to show up. Well after my whole lost medicines at the beginning of our last retreat my pathological hiding places have been exposed. I got really scared that Id look the fool. I was in reaction to old trauma around imminent physical pain. I had such an elaborate process going on in my head that even saying this doesn’t seem exposing enough. I couldn’t be seen messing up. Of course as has happened for years I feel the fool for not asking for help right away and admitting Id made a mistake. Id placed zero priority on my comfort. I felt shame for having others go out of their way, the total fool, a dummy. Id gotten used to that role. but God knows how afraid I am to be seen. I make mistakes all the time and I do whatever I can to hide and try to deal with them By My Self. I have the most difficult time admitting that and asking for help when I do screw up.