January, 2008 Spontaneous Combustions
HERE AND NOW
Now and then you get it. You feel me deeply. Nothing matters more. This day! This moment. This way we connect right now. Here and now. You are here, but not. Come back. The jumping away precludes, "This is real!" This is real. This is as real as you are. Come to me as you are. Let's finish what we've started. You may/must bring your fears and doubts, I love them too. Stay.
Behold the crossroads. I am the path, the direction and the Way.
Breathe Fire
Break Bread
Lift up
Cross Over
Hallelujah
Rejoice here!
Rejoice now!
Here and Now
Along * Alone * Among
Your trials are many. Your mistakes are precious. This is the day.
Blessed Be.
~January 4, 2008 4AM
***
Dear Friends,
The above, & all but 1 other transmission, have come in the night, or immediately after waking up. On this day, later in the morning, at work (during M& J) I received the next:
"Summon me here and now.
Don't ask how.
Don't ask.
Don't think. do not. Do Not. DO NOT. WATCH!
Like a movie going into a scene in slow motion...
That's it, except it's your heart that I move into...fill up.
Yes, with fear!
Listen to it. Know I am behind you. Next to you. In part of you like the breath. And like the breath, sometimes you forget about it. Yet when consciousness returns to it - There it is - Breathing itself. Like now, like in the middle of the night. I am your breath breathing you. Let me in. Open the door to you and there I am
Wonder
Opens to
Me
Believe
Here
Everywhere
Archetypal
Reality Relationship
Tames the bestial mind."
~ January 4, 2008 9:30 AM
***
ROUT
Learning the qualities of regret, the usefulness, necessity and duration, enable you to descend down to another rung, perceive of your vile behavior to root, rout. Rout it out; expel, expunge, exonerate, extol.
Rooting. Routing. Router.
Seeing IS believing: vile bile
Bestial Behaviors Bully
Leaving you alone. A lone shell in hell. Shouting off the mountain top where no one can hear except Me. And I cry to hear it. To see through it to the lost you (now resurrecting).
Rage is the white noise, the white lie that keeps you from hearing Me.
Being nice, a helping hand is as lost as aggressive rage. Withheld in wince or sweetly said, the words crash and break.
Better it be you. Tempest tossed. Flung on rocks below to break and bleed. Salty waves of regret cleanse. Foaming out the mouth.
Limp and dizzy.
Wet and be ragged
Until dawn dawns on you.
~January 7, 2008 3AM
***
OUTRAGE
Low grade fear is a petty thief.
Robbing you - disbelief
Hopping toad is on the run
To finish you before begun.
Right and wrong makes you a liar
Bigger commitment
Bigger thrill
Stalking thunder, taking will.
Running a red light
Is a long, low scream in silence.
Stealing, tiptoeing,
Hiding.
Shut up, boxed up,
Fenced with solo revenge
Looking over your shoulder to your very own
Solitary confinement.
Darting daunting damning
Now it's time to extract the stone.
It's heavy, dense and morbid.
It's erratic pulsing is frightening
Yet outside you now it can no longer damn-age you.
Don't poke at it at all.
Don't stare too long revulsion.
The whale comes out of the water
to die
When the life cycle is broken
Though he is not, he succumbs to his fate
Gasping for air
The one magic eye scolds & blames with the sacrifice of life
It is his life, not yours.
Stop this outsourcing.
Out rage.
~January 9, 2008
***
Don't beat yourself up for not having seen
What, at least now, you are willing to see. Learn. To (k)now.
Remember your pain is fertile ground to begin new growth.
Shame and self-hatred is a vacuum
Blowing you away.
Nature abhors a vacuum.
Better to blow up, where we can meet.
Tremble & quake -
It's good for you.
~January, 2008
***
Stand on your own two feet.
Sink AND swim.
Though sinking is best - Drowning.
Swirling down in My depths of your core.
Unraveling, allowing every muscle to relax
Shoulders dropping
Deep breath breathing itself
Every pore opening to the salty cleansing of self;
Exhaling
Exhuming
All the projections once and for all, yet for you, not all at once.
Excruciating is not persecution. It's Duck hunting. The duck is in its death throes of a long and painful death. Excruciating. Not willing to let go easily.
It thinks it knows how to sink, how to swim, but only in the shallowest of waters,
Burying depth with noisy confusion, prattle.
Major distractions create your feathers being ruffled.
There's a key -How can you feel that way when you are not of feathers?
HOMEWORK: Notice when your feathers are ruffled. Then dive down to the ocean depths. Down into your deepest interior quiet. Yes, similar to the homework of standing in silence with the Father, present & full of love.
Blessed Be.
~January 13, 2008
***
TRYING TO UNDERSTAND
'Trying' blocks knowing, feeling into, creates anxiety & excuses.
'Understanding' frustrates knowing, belittles feeling, creates arrogance & independence.
'Trying to understand' leaves everything out that you are. Grasping for "being nice" while trying to understand is a train wreck.
One thought piles into the next.
All is mangled.
Disengage. Reverse. Back up onto the right track.
scrambling to make sense of the mess is of no use. Useless. Foraging in a dump deadens.
exorcise explanations.
Hail Yes! and No!
Reverberations repercussion resolution remain ridiculous.
Better to Sing in the Rain.
~January 16, 2008
***
I tried to take a nap this afternoon, it wasn't that I was sleepy…. They were trying to come through. It seems I don't always have to be asleep for this.
Learning discernment,
Ellen
We taught about velocity, and now more on inertia, especially the forces of friction that block the acceleration of falling: i.e. gravity. This work is indeed physics of the soul. Friction blocks fear, as well as velocity. It is gravity's enemy in both physics and this (archetypal dreamwork) Becoming.
The friction becomes emotion that spews venom and stalls the dropping down. Feeling hurt, having your 'feathers ruffled', is friction. Defensiveness bubbles up next.
Mind the store - That's all.
Peeling the onion tears well up. Sometimes the papery skin flakes off so easily, other times that same flimsy layer has a tenacity bewildering.
And, so do you.
Blessed be.
***
BRAVERY
Without knowing anything, you know.
Without seeing, you come forward.
Without notice, you will change direction.
Without direction, you will listen.
When you can't hear you will call out for help.
When help feels like rejection, you will wait.
When help feels like punishment, you will soften.
All these tools and 10,000,000 chances is nothing compared to
The Love.
Nothing - No thing is as substantial.
Everything pales to this Great Love.
***
PHYSICS of the SOUL
The pressure in Becoming, Returning, is not unlike that of coal becoming a diamond.
I am the outside force.
I am the Pressure.
I am of that which you Become,
Then I am inside. I am the force working in you always. The opposition is the coal itself, as you were, & are, & always have been the diamond. You are of Me, of God - How could it be otherwise?
The world's pressure is a reverse osmosis - siphoning the brilliance off until you become a wretch within your particular darkness. A mere lump of coal. Useless to yourself & all your
nothing
resisting the Great Love,
you can even start to love the darkness of the coalmine as it's dust chokes off your very life itself.
smaller
When you begin to feel claustrophobic, know you have reentered the coalmind.
~January 21, 200
***
Regarding the transmission below - the biblical like quote in italics at the end came through in an extraordinary, extremely potent way. The 1st line is from a beautiful Shabbat prayer. I looked it up - stunned at the difference, which I know doesn't matter. My mind would like to go there…I felt They were telling me the gates they referring to, at this time, are the gates up to the retreat. I feel the power & fear growing inside me.
Pulling together, linking.
Or, fencing as in defense, noun or verb.
Either way the actions bind to thoughts - helpful harmful to the becoming.
Tight binding. Awareness informs the choices to continue or STOP!
Due to inertia the STOPPING, though more necessary, is much more difficult.
Unlike in the world the inner dismantling is much more difficult, tedious, & complicated. The layers often tangled & putrid.
The weak cry out, “Enough already!”
Once laid out before you the inner warrior exclaims, “Oh. This is all it is?” And relief can replace the regret that first replaced the shame.
'Afraid of your fear' is a doorway to us. A window into your psyche, and the path to us. We came as two to flank you. To Mother/Father you. To Christa/Dorothy you. Yes, the path is different from the doorway. The doorway is the 'Ah-ha' glimpse of awareness, seeing what was unseen. Yes, it could be called a choicepoint, but not the point here. The path is the way to move toward becoming. Each step a linking to us. This is one and the same as within your true soulself: The seed, the diamond, the life-force breath of Me.
And these words which I command you this day
Shall be bound around your heart
And upon your gates.
And you will teach this unto your children,
And your children's children
That you shall know me
For I am the Lord your God.
***
RETREAT Messages - January, 2008
BESIDE YOURSELF
Until We ask and all is told,
You'll wonder here, as parts unfold.
Don't look back, don't jump ahead.
All is planned, if you'll be led
Away from fools & hurt & doubt,
Away from screaming the silent shout.
Listen deeply if you will
Silent words and silence spills
Into this heart that's mINe
Expanded treasure trove you'll find.
With no front or back or sides
Eternal internal rising up & over & out
Spilling
From here: we'll wish & hope you'll SHOUT.
***
It's a front end alignment
Let them (group leaders) steer you straight.
If you continue to soften, softer, loosely softer
STILL
I will your will become.
***
Fire burns around the room and Fire burns within you.
Passion opens to heal the wound, dressed in new rawness first by salty tears OK.
SHH baby, this is the only way.
There are no shortcuts. If there were, which piece of your precious process would you ask to leave out? No judgment here. Just abiding love and learning. Leaning more & more into the discernment, open more & more to the gentle blessings through corrections. First & forever mine, second that within Noe.
***
Waiting it out implies the future and
Holds the faith.
What do you do when waiting it out -
pace & sigh?
Or begin the new way before it arrives.
Forego plans
Open to the next way
Completely unsure
With all unsaid is obedience
And why not?
~January 31, 2008