March 2008 Spontaneous Combustions
"We are changing the pushes and pulls exerted upon you - so you will move in a different direction.”
***
“Know that you know. Know that you notice. Know that you learn, inquisitive and receptive. You know you are not your pathology, your past, or a position. You know how to lean into Me, and you know how to listen. You notice what supports these things and are currently aware of what does not. What more could I want? Your laughter and joy to unfurl with an increase of the generosity of spirit! Do not allow shame to take you down. You have learned a lesson about generosity and simplicity - see how that works in you and be the True you that has been THAT woman and THAT girl.”
SEA-ING
Coming unglued at work and finding Me with you puts you out of your instant response mode: trying to be the teacher, the one who knows something. When you drop down into the sea of your own being, there I am. From here you can really see as from here you can feel the other. There is little or NOTHING to say behind that, beyond that.
Each was triangulating their deep pain &/or rage through the music they choose to share. This is early stage 1. Your job is preparing you well for dreamers who will come to you. When you stay in the sea of feelings, regulated by the rhythm of your own heart, you can see. You felt something of the resident's experience. You learned something about him, and how pathology works to keep you from that knowing. The rest is merely glancing. And now you can soften to his experience and do battle with My Love, appreciating his experience. I will be with his unfelt feelings in you. You stay with him and his predicament. If you can hold some of this pain without doing anything you will know what standing in the breech means. You will have your heart pierced, and My love for the mending. Then and only then you will become a teacher.
I await your arrival with open arms.
~March 5, 2008
***
Being obedient and having a reaction are two different things. Don't hide your reactions because you can only fool yourself.
I am only looking for a few.
A few good men. A few good women. 12 will do. More later.
You are being prepared. Boot Camp. Keep outing your reactions, but dance with me more! Keep marching to the beat of my drum, yet dance with Me more! Keep listing toward Me. Listening deep within you, you will find your compass for you are mINe, therefore I am in you.
You are moving in the right direction. Down. Ever deep and still. Do not let anyone tell you differently. You can only move along your pathway and only alone. Alone with Me. Choose Me. Dance with Me. Be scared. Be lost.
There are rivers to cross and the current is swift, frightening, and deep. In the middle is peace. I meet you there.
~March 6, 2008
***
What is, 'getting it right'? Even 2 + 2 doesn't always equal 4! Dancing with Me is beyond right and wrong. So exhilarating!
Sensual freeing, scary, exposed and rhythmic!
Now look at your immediate response. For a split second you thought about dancing. Actually getting up and dancing - to experience. Yet so very quickly the duck-mind went to, 'hey, why don't you watch a dance video?” Or worse, reading -studying about dance!
Woe is Me for Woe is you.
Lift up your skirt and dance! Shake it up! Shake it out!
Be exhilarated! Be free! Be sensual, scary, exposed!
Feel the rhythm of your soul and DANCE!
Dancing with Me is not merely a courting ritual -although it is that too. It is to bring out what you have locked up deep within you. Sway.
Sashay! Feel the energy starting to build? Your pulse increasing. YOUR responsiveness awakening. Tingling. Moving. You don't need fancy moves or acrobatics to express your soul. The limits of your mobility are minor -tiny! The expressive potential inside you is gigantic, potent and fresh. You sit like a songbird in a cage with the door wide open. I have been waiting for you all this time to fly out and dance with Me.
~March 8, 2008
***
Saturday I dreamt of such pleasure hearing a train that was rescheduled to run straight through the town. I awoke in such disappointment that I wasn't ON the train. I asked for help, what am I missing? Last night in P +R group I learned it was not just the constant return to the homework, but, again, the FEAR. ***
Your true commitment is really very new. You are measuring yourself AGAINST -that against, that obstruction, feeds melancholy that marches straight to nihilism. Better to feel the upliftment you felt in hearing the train. The comfort there is like that of your comfort as a child when evening was falling and you heard the garage door opening, which meant your father was home.
You need comfort and reassurance. So be it.
You are growing in your own unique way. Much more tender and shy than you know, can even fathom. You covered this early on as a child by being a 'chatterbox' and a clown. All to get mother's fleeting attention. Years and years of trying every antic you could for crumbs of her love. Oh! To sit on her lap! Even now, you feel a betrayal to write about her in this way. You need to sever the tentacles of the dark mother to fully embrace Me. This I know, but you deny. You need to leave your mother to join Me.
Look out towards the horizon
Look out towards the distant shore.
Adventure towards Me and don't look back.
Trust Me and don't know why.
While deep in your pulse,
My heart in you veins.
~March 10, 08
Sometimes regret festers
Annoyance builds
Belonging challenges.
Circumvent reaction quicker through dialog with Me.
Use Me. Find Me. Know Me.
***
Fundamental causality reinstates.
Defines and defies questioning.
Becomes the quest ripening.
Opening so many doors in the great hall
Crowds join.
Possibility magnifies
Opens the question
Doubt darts.
Caustic criticism may surface.
Fear will certainly ricochet
Bouncing doom off the walls.
Define 'cult' and be done with it.
Announce intention and through
Creating
The atmosphere of connection & depth, the vertical
Will anchor the night
As I have in you.
***
Working with Me in this way reveals your potential
Redefines as it refines you.
Possibility magnifies
Closes the question, enveloped in the peace of My protection.
There are more disastrous ways to be lost.
~March 14, 2008 2 AM
***
The gap is closing.
You are thrusting, trusting, bursting through
your hesitation to be mine.
Pierced & willing to bleed
Now listening to My train song, birdsong
Anchors you down & INSIDE.
Now listening inside where we meet safe & sound.
Safe and Sound.
Listening
Listening
Listing, leaning learning into all the ways I say I love you
Anchors you solidly in the now open free and opening more bursting uplifts & carries your song to no one special and for no other reason than to sing.
Resounding sound
Echo, harmony & vibration
Fine tuning the instrument of you
Safe & Sound.
~March 18, 2008
***
The fear is your ground.
Stand in that, and you are with Me.
Listening inside, going beyond the hesitation your hand MUST extend out to Me, for I Am your beloved and this fear, this glory this union IS now.
Keep stepping towards Me, hand outstretched until you can fall broken onto Me. Tears of pain, tears of longing, and those of turning away, now fertilizer for the growth of this blessed union. You, my pink flowering tree, opening to your resistance weak & chains broken, Stepping towards.
Keep stepping towards.
I have always awaited your arrival.
~March 21, 2008
***
Res erection
Renew
Each
Second
Every
Reference.
Elevate
Consistency
Through
Inner
Observations.
Nexus
~Easter Sunday ~ March, 2008
***
March 26, 2008 - 4:30 AM
ME: I'm so afraid! Instantly I focus on my mistakes at work. Will You help me with this?
THEM: Pathology isn't going to leave quietly, shutting the door gently behind. If it can't scream, it will morph & whine, or grab you in an old feeling you thought you left behind when you least expect it and shake you like never before.
You have been poisoned, but are not poisoned. You are awake enough to see how it works yet too weak to always stop it before the damage is out of your mouth.
Not the heart. The heart is pure & fed in oh so many ways. There is nothing to do about it at work. You must hold the pain - not be in their pain - yet hold it up before you so you can see/feel their experience that they cover, or try to cover - which has been fooling you as you now are uncovering you in your depth. Feel the depth & wrath of its cruel destruction. No thing to do. Hold that, be quieter dropping down more & more. Don't take it on. You have been recently. Just accept it, don't be in it. Be in your pain & fear. Feeling now when you just accept your fear it's constant as it should be.
When you remember who you really are, then you know Me - not just remember Me - but know Me by being in relationship with Me.
Be willing to accept the strength that makes you weak and afraid. Be willing to not be liked - yet listened to, all the same. Readying you.
Reflect on this.
It is the next layer to your homework of accepting the fear.
( Homework: see the lie, go into the lie & feel the horror of it. Then accept my fear)
The way to do this is to be strong between the worlds.
Still be stung.
Be still.
Still be.
***
Children often have a nightlight. I come to you in the middle of the night in this way. I am also the fiercesome darkness of the night that captivates and frightens. This is the best time to work with you.
Why am I so nervous, scared?
You are feeling My love in a new way. We are changing you from the inside out, moving your heart. Expanding, deepening, cleaning out. Because you are so sensitive, it wakens you. It is nothing to worry about. You will be alert enough in the days, have you not been?
Don't allow the worry for rest to take you away from the intensity around your heart center. You can call it fear if you'd like. You already know it's not in the naming, the labels, explanations.
Feel Me changing you. Just breathe it in.
Anchor to it.
Work it.
Be it.
We use the mid-sleep, REM state because you are already with Us. It is not just a path of least resistance. It is an open door. This is quite different. Can't you feel it? You invite Me and I respond. The absorption of this new centered pulsation & reference point radiating can anchor & hold, unlike the daytime referencing, or touchpoints. Without knowing, last night you knew. You lay still breathing the acceptance of the fear which anchors, deepens, the experience similar to what you have done on the massage table when asked to breathe deeply. In the imaginative visualizations you use to 'inform' your right arm to parallel your fully functioning left, there is a similarity to how I work in you. Answering your very own prayer to come home to your true nature.
And, of course, what is home?
What is your true nature? -but to be my obedient, radiant, inquisitive, joy filled child. Then freedom follows. Knots of knowing, pushing untangle.
The quiet automatically follows. There is no more trying. This is how your becoming becomes.
Blessed be,
~March 27, 2008
***
Third degree burning puts you in the center of the burning building. This is no spectator sport. This is no sport at all. This burning, coming directly from your yearning, is the birth process - yet unlike your 1st birth, it never stops. This is the unfoldment.
The sensation around your heart is forever - if you keep choosing Me. stepping forward to Me with your arm extended to Me…wanting.
Wanting this more than anything or anyone until there is no more anything and everyone is just another child wanting and further from you than it's ever been for you, yet you have more love for them.
Beams crash around you; the structure weak with fire leaping all around. You can barely see yet your vision is superior to the best it's ever been;
Interior.
***
Comfort and control reek havoc in your interior whirld. Puts off. Puts out the fire of the Passion. Not just mINe. Yes, not just yours either. This is the family of which we speak. All those brave enough to relinquish comfort & control. It gets easier, as what was once comfortable is no longer. And control is like sand through your fingers. You'll touch it, even grab for it, familiar and warm, yet it won't mold into anything solid. Words, harsh grit in the mouth, forcing you to just spit it out.
Better to be on fire!
Be clean burning fury!
Stand right in it; cleanse! Ignite!
Your senses double, quadruple as your mind stays still. For what could your possibly think about in the center of the burning building but
Hallelujah!
Immediate
Grace
Nightwork
Intuition
Truth
Expands
~March 31, 2008