at last evening's end
I am lying in the dark
after Red Sox and reading
dream work every waking hour
to keep me safe against rejection
and oh my God
my body starts burning
shame scorches my flesh
and melts me down
almost unto death
the assault is so ferocious
I cannot stand against it
and have to get out of bed
and go downstairs
I make tea and sit with Ash
he watches the end of the game
and I talk a bit about burning
we have twenty years and more
of "not talking" loving
wordless deep unending
this balm spreads over my wound
and I go upstairs to bed
I lie again alone but knowing
now that I can make a distinction
between her lies and my trues