Can you feel how trying to share your experience diluted it? Fell short, fell flat?
And the one thing you wanted to hear, that, of course, there are many approaches to strings, you already knew.
What matters here is to learn that in a feeling way. Also, it was jumping away from the group experience, by looking for a validation for Our experience which could only have happened if you were in the strings. That's all. This is the lesson for tonight. Now you know more deeply what containment can mean.
After Thursday strings group - May 1, 2008
***
ONCE
Feel my hand in your heart, until the habit is unconscious. Begin, as you do, with inner hearing of the first word or phrase. ONCE you hear it, start writing.
Soon it will be a constant.
Then you will be consistent, and my consort, bride, as well.
ONCE. Get out from under the leveraging, equations of fairness, self-righteousness or self-consciousness. The homework fear is the vehicle and the path. Be in your vehicle and it rights itself, drives itself straight to me, like a homing pigeon. Spread your wings of fear & doubt!
Rise above the chatter of you and world to soar into my waiting heart.
May 2, 2008
***
Stand awkwardly at My alter to be sanctified and blessed into our union; your soul self. All eyes turn towards a bride. This you avoided twice in shame. You held love for your husbands, yet none for yourself. I want you, not all the world, to bask in your glory and becoming. I want you to finally feel the special holiness of My bride to be,
Under everything and all time your diamondself is mending. It collects the Light now. The container has grown full enough to do so. There is no turning back at this ratio, this point, and this has been your will, your work, your study, & focus.
Come back up to Me, the refuge of the Father, where your heart mends and sings!
Stand on the stone, spread your wings and call out to Me as never before!
Using your wanting -needing Me forever more and more!
Forever mINe, in Me.
Forever yours, in you.
***
Up and Down the One Loop
Step backwards to best understand this unique challenge of our communication. Each defines so many words with personal history or reactions.
Assumptions betray the clarity of the no word place.
The headache is another healing. The crust, or dross, is breaking away. The heart expanding as the container builds. Along with this there is a need for your mind to become less active. The activity in and of itself is pathology, which is fighting this 'distilling of energy' - thus the headache. Do not be fooled. You are not getting sick. It is not sinus or pollen related. It is Me working on you; fighting the ideas of who you think you are.
A quieter mind allows your heart to expand, to lead, to think so to speak. A noisier mind draws force up from the heart center. This you can actually fear now. Yes, fear feel. It is the fear that has pulled you away from itself - your fear of fear. Now expanding you have the capacity to just FEAR. The more you stay in this fear field the more the active mind dissolves, shrinking the managing behaviors to avoid this feeling of fear.
May 3, 2008
****
Sunday night at the Gospel Choice Choir you felt the tip of the Great Love. You wrote Gospel Choice, because it is. The Great Love brought a tear to your eye and you want more. You cannot receive more than you have been until you receive more pain of so many things unfelt in your childhood, and the deeper pain of those silent instructions to not feel. The deepest pain of all is the space it took from inside of you to do so. It usurped My seat: the one in your heart and behind your eyes.
You choose the dark mother over boundless, unconditional love. You could not assimilate both. Your efforts to do so created your imaginary world, imaginary friends, but you were mocked. You say it was playful, the family accepting it…YOU - but now you can feel the treachery-saying yes, but meaning no. And how early on you learned to do the same. So open and malleable your childself! So trusting & full of love -boundless love and trust. So much yearning you had for the mother. You twisted any and all of the divine purity for her attention, her touch, her approval. And the many times you were not received, could not be seen, or touched by her you created stories to convince yourself it was OK
It was OK
It was OK
And now you know:
IT WAS NOT OK!
And now you've tasted the Great Love. Now you know how warm and full and rich that is. How gentle and yet powerful. Powerful in the gentleness. Unified. Rarefied and grounded. Sweet, simple and real.
May 5, 2008
***
Tumbling and Falling
Is not tripping over yourself!
Immersed in a Big Lie you cannot see which way to go - so don't.
Don't cling to the nearest thing, or the crumbling past
SHRIEK!
Run off the edge to where I am.
Let go into the fear
Me: You make it sound easy I can't or won't. Why, Why. Why?
Practice.
Just go back to whatever homework brings up the most fear and do it.
Don't complicate the simple.
Don't question the how, a result, anything.
Just practice.
This is surrender.
Surrender to the homework and the rest will follow.
May 15, 2008
***
Care Caring and Careful
Keep your hand in mine now.
Take care to not be either cavalier or carry too much caring.
Remember, a child just grabs on!
Stay with the fear that perhaps I'd let go builds your need, your desire,
and keeps you openly dependent.
Yes, all of yesterday's tears and wonderment have everything to do with your opening to the simplicity of this. Yet be careful to not dwell there as pathology has been trying to move that in you into sentimentality. Note too, just before working the Big Dream of your revelation you were under attack. You felt the pressure of 'too much' and the melancholy of missed opportunities.
Review everything with new eyes.
Renew your childself.
Relax, I've got you in hand.
Reestablishing the primal grace involves nothing more.
Weigh in. You matter
Nothing matters more than this -
You're weighing in
Speak up. Speak out. It's time.
May 16, 2008
***
CONJUNCTIO
With Me, in Me, for Me
Heightens you, for you, in you
The truest you.
Consistent and unified
United with and within
Steady, grounded alignment
Aspected And exceptional
Without exceptions
Accepting total acceptance
May 20, 2008
***
Light Switch
On & off
On & off
Like a young child plays with the dangling cord.
On and off
This is what it feels like recently with my homework
Bright and open, then
Dark and lost.
Dark and lost
Dark and Lost.
Too much fear
Cover this with control and silly.
Managing this insults the Demon.
Silly?
There are important things to do! Responsibilities!
In and out
But not now.
And not ever if you are with Me.
Somehow it all works.
The puzzle pieces arrange themselves. A law of attraction.
Not knowing.
And sweetly, breathtakingly simply, no need to know.
Simply open, no care to know.
Knowing feels like chaos then - the very thing it is supposed to alleviate.
Too much mind here
Rather ride in a car with your head out the window like a dog!
Wind in your face, ears flapping, tongue out to one goofy looking side!
Care free
This is the wisdom. The experience. The gut level response, not thought.
There is no deeper explanation than a dog would have could he talk.
It just feels great!
Exhilarating!
May 29, 2008
***
Me: What does it mean to be a woman of God?
To be you.
Fully you.
Laughing, bright, shimmering.
Whole and wholesome
Loving, forgiving, & ferocious
Playful
Silly
Wondrous and wonder full
Trusting, trustworthy & truthful
United with Me in ecstacy/essence
Living from the core of the fountain. Just the fountain. Not the sparkling fountain. Or a special garden fountain. No extra thing. Just the containment of the flow. Up out around. A self contained and fluid cycle. Up out and around. Like a butterfly or an apple cut in half. A simple yet powerful yoga flow. A woman of god is flowing. Not fast or slow, yet there is a rhythm, a balance, a ballast and poise. Simply united. Loosely joined, like a song.
June 6, 2008