I love this work of discovering who I am at the core of my soul being. And, where am I right now? Right now, I am at the end of the “crack the whip line” getting whipped around by pathology.
This past year I have become more involved in NOE and at each step I have had to face pathology and fight hard. Right now, I feel like I’m truly fighting for my life and pathology is fighting harder.
Pathology has literally had me at the end of that whip line for a month or more now. Or, if you’re a Harry Potter fan as I am, the pathology has spelled me with the Imperius Curse. However, during this same time, the student teacher group, my mentor, and Marc have been cornering the pathology. At every turn, it’s getting exposed and I get to take a look.
I don’t like what I see. I’ve seen it before but never quite like this. It’s really REALLY mean… and angry… and will lash out when cornered. It will blame others before you can blink. It’s ugly! So, my work now is to see this, tell others immediately when it’s triggered, to be honest, to be transparent, to be vulnerable, to be exposed, and say I’m sorry when I don’t catch it. Everything the pathology hates.
My most recent dream is I’m given a bag of something. I don’t know what to do with it. I need help. I need help so I go to the Vatican. My sister joins me. We’re walking around and come to a small group of rooms. We walk past the guard who frightens me. We enter the bathroom and I’m looking to see where I can hide when the Vatican closes for the day. I know I can’t leave before I get the help I need. We leave and walk past the guard. Marc asked me, why didn’t I ask for the Pope? Good questions, I say. My homework is to go to the guard and ask for the Pope. I ask and feel very little. Just what the pathology hates. It doesn’t want me to feel little. It wants me to feel BIG and in control so it can have me where it wants - at the end of that whip line… in the throws of the Imperius Curse so it can control me.
NO!!!! I’m asking for the Pope. I need help and I’m asking for the Pope.